A jaded fly shop employees final requests to customers
A farewell from Cletus the banjo player
As I prepare for my departure from the fly shop manager life of riches, fame, and glory, I’d like to get something off my chest. Its a small list of requests, suggestions, rants and facts directed towards the every day fly shop customer. New and old, rich and poor.
1. Under no circumstances enter the shop and let the first words that roll out of your obviously silly grill be, “So whats hot”. Stop and realize what an open ended statement that is. Try saying, “Hey I’m not as awesome as you, and therefore know nothing, I promise tidings of beer and my hot sister if you teach me your ways”. Watch what happens then you [REDACTED] [REDACTED].
2. Don’t complain about the price of flourocarbon, it makes you look like you don’t know what you’re talking about.
3. If you rip your brand new Cloudveil waders on a piece of barb wire its not my [REDACTED] fault.
4. I really don’t want to hear about the 20 fish between 12 and 18 inches you caught on the Arkansas last weekend. I’d honestly rather chew glass than listen about all the small fish you and your buddy caught “on the dry”, “it was epic bro”, [REDACTED] gag me.
5. Just because you know some guy who guides for some shop I’ve never heard of doesn’t mean you get the “bro hook-up”.
6. No matter how many fish you catch, it doesn’t make you any less of a douche for wearing that bright orange Simms vest.
7. Wet fly is no longer an acceptable description of a nymph. Period.
8. If you are going tarpon fishing but don’t want to spend “a lot of money” on gear…….don’t go tarpon fishing.
9. Step into the 21st century folks! We have better fly patterns than the Orange Asher and the Royal Coachman nowadays. Buy a [REDACTED] extended body Beatis that flaps its own wings with the help of a microchip and nano-motors. Geez.
10. And finally, people please, PLEASE!!!!!!! Replace your fly lines more than once every 5 years. Most of us replace it yearly, hell, I replace mine quarterly. The reason your line doesn’t float, is because you have been stepping on it for a year and never cleaned it. Its not the line company’s fault. And it sure as hell isn’t mine. Its yours.
There it is. Lets work towards nirvana in fly shop employee-fly shop customer interactions. I leave this list in hopes that it will one day help the brothers working the long hours listen to people bitch about something they know nothing about. And here’s to humidity, sand, gators, and redfish. I’m out with no more time left for lip service.
Cletus
Derrrrr, ner nerrrrr nerrrrrrr, ner ner ner ner, a dink a der ner ner ner nerrrrr nerrrrrrr
Tags: Florida Bound, Lip Service, Salt Fuel, The Teas
Teasdale is really giving that tongue a second thought.
When butters and I make out I taste frijoles and chili powder.
This is hysterical. And while I’m sure there are tons more you could whip out, nothing beats what I witnessed the other day at my fly shop…this midddle aged man (say 53) came in all suited out like he was on his way to the river (already dressed in $5,000 worth of shit), to ask the manager if he could give him a new Winston rod tube. He apparently just bought a new Winston rod, but the Winston metal-type sticker on the accompanying rod tube had a tiny dimple in it and he wanted a new one. Unreal. Fly fishing still needs to shed some of the old gayness associated with it.
Article = halarious
photo = disturbing
you forgot to tell the part of the story of how i came by the shop still dirty from the factory,for the 3rd time this week, to pick up more materials for a client and how you ushered me out of the way ,while some lawyer or doctor type gets steered away from the rods with their made in china stickers so skillfully removoved,and lead over to the S$$$ sticks.Only after the sap leaves with both arms full, the red carpet rolled back up , do you lean over the counter and give me the “so whats been working and what part have you been fishing’…i skillfully tell you off a pattern tied from the fur of a donkeys ass , quickly named a mule emerger,in size 32. I smile to myself as i watch you write that on your _____ conditions board , smiling to myself as i leave
funny stuff
In this day of hard work, for low pay, kids, a wife and all other sorts of things….To find time to spend time with other flyfisherman and actually fish, talk about fishing, and be within the humbleness it brings…These are sure a hell of alot of gripes for someone who makes a living doing the thing those working our fingers to the bone, we find pleasure in. The hot cup of coffee, some conversation, whatever it may be pertaining to fishing, even if a tightwad professional who can spend x amount of dollars on whatever is in the shop, be thankful that your listings is the only gripes about your job that you have.
Egod Jethro,
Just got back from fishing the LAMAR and realized you just can never have too much expensive gear!
It’s a mathematical formula called the DB ratio: (amount of expensive fishing gear x thurston Howell voice used to repeatedly tell airplane seatmate that you simply have to fish the LAMAR)/(amount of cash carried while fishing + zany golf pants worn when not in waders + What’s hot? questions to store managers) = amount of Douche Bag in Fisherman
Just remeber Cletus “It takes a village to tune a banjo”
@flybug.pa…… You’ve clearly never been to our shop…..doctors and lawyers don’t shop here
@BakariG…… [BLANK STARE].
@Listen Up Lovey! I like that formula, it will be passed through the proper channels
As a former fly shop slave, I endorse the above.
And one of my pet peeves is tourists coming up from SF to fish our rivers and giving them stupid nicknames.
“SOOOO fella, what’s happenin’ on the Lil Truck?”
After with holding punching him in his stupid shit eating grin lawyer face, “It’s the Little Truckee, or the LT. Not the “Truck” You are liable to get stabbed if you say that again.”
Lawyer “Hahahahaha, you boys are funny up here in the mountains.”
Funny like burying your Beemer in the woods with you in it.
Man, I’ve been outta the shop for a year and it still makes me bitter….
Kudos to the above though, it’s priceless.